Cold Belonging
by NIGHTWING EpIcNeSs
Summary: "They all took a step backwards, and my father fumbled with the door handle, desperately trying to open the route to escape... And as I saw their faces, I began to understand. Maybe they were right... maybe I didn't belong. And for the first time in my life, I felt cold..." I didn't belong here.


_Cold- _

_:not affected by emotion; objective. dead:_

_:to be neglected; ignored:_

_Left out in the cold- neglection; isolation; forgotten; exile; alienation; alone. _

"I lifted my hand to my chest, cupping it. I stared down at the ground, emotionless. My eyes were dull, ignorance filled my thoughts. I had no clue what was happening. I was cold, my hands had snowflakes embodied on the skin, frozen to the touch. The snow around me began to lessen, and the white of the storm began to clear. The walls, the deep red marble walls were now a ice blue and white, with ice climbing up the walls, begging for escape. I tried to stand, but found the my feet seemed numb, and neglected to feel to chill of the room. I saw the chandelier above me, frozen in delicate patterns. My jet black hair was now hanging in front of my face, from the sheer force of the winds. My pants and shirt were unsettled, and my bare arms felt warm against the winter breeze.

But it wasn't winter. It was March 21, the first day of spring. I had caused this. Looking down at my hand, still cupped to my chest, protected from the world. My skin was pale white, as clear as ice, and the snowflakes embedded on the palm of my hand began to crawl up my wrist, and tickled against my forearm, clear and blue tattoos forming themselves. Reaching my hand down, I touched the ground with the tips of my fingers. The delicate touch spread winds around the room, and the ice on the walls began crawling again. The brown and gold carpet was now gone, covered in layers of snow. Another layer spread throughout the walls and ground, and covered the ceiling. As if I was in an ice castle, I felt the coldness of the ice, but when it reached my body, it turned to warmth. My pants and thin shirt would have given my frostbite. Snowflakes began to fall from the highly arched ceiling, and I looked up. A breeze rustled my hair, and I turned to look back at the intricate designs on the walls. I smiled, I had done this. I had created snow! I made winter!

But as I looked up, I saw their faces. The heartbroken, betrayed, feared look in their expressions filled my thoughts. My family stood in front of the large double doors. My brothers all shivering. My father had a wool blanket around his sons, and his goose bumps were clearly visible. My father's girlfriend stood beside him, a hurt look on her face. Her arms were wrapped around one of my father's and she was leaning on him. They all stared at me, snow around them fell still and all movement stopped. The smile fell from my face and a confused look replaced it. I felt the feeling in my legs return, and pushing one hand on the ground I stood up. Snow began to fall around me at the touch, and I saw ice creep up around the door handles behind my family. I took a step towards them, and a proud smile stood on my features. They would be so proud of me.

But they weren't. They all took a step backwards, and my father fumbled with the door handle, desperately trying to open the route to escape. I froze up inside. Why weren't they proud? Why were they trying to go away? Don't they love me? Did they- did they think I was a- a freak?

"Don't be scared guys. It's still me-"

A loud, thundering crack broke throughout the room, earning authority over my small voice. The ice around the door fell, and the door was slammed open. Guards rushed in, wrapping quilts around my family, ushering them away. I felt myself being lifted up, and I was carried away. My family was looking at me, and with betrayal, guilt, and fear smeared across their expressions. They all remained at the doorframe, and made no movement to come after me. Didn't they care for me? Didn't they love me? Didn't they- didn't they want me? As I was pulled away, I saw my father mouth something to me.

I began to struggle, and screamed in resistance. I pushed my fingers to the back of the guard carrying me, and pulsed. Anger flared through me, and a shrill scream echoed. The men around me began to come at me, and the guard holding me fell to the ground, frozen in ice. Everything happened in flashes, but I felt their weapons sweep the air as I blocked them. I began to run away, and I heard their boots behind me. I ran to the front door of the manor, and used my might to pull open the massive entryway. I ran into the grass outside, and fell down into it. The footsteps stopped, and I looked at the doorway. They all stood at the door, and it began to close. Realization surged through me, and I stood up, and ran towards the gates. They slammed shut as I rammed into them. I pounded on the thick wood and metal, screaming out things that I didn't understand. Hot tears filled my eyes as I turned and fell down, my back sliding down the wood. I looked at the courtyard as I silently cried.

The courtyard was now covered in snows, and the walls and gates were all shielded by ice. Thick snow and strong winds fell and my bare feet and arms remained completely warm against the cold. I recalled what my father had mouthed to me as I was being pulled away.

'_You don't belong here.' _

And for the first time in my life, I felt cold. No, I wasn't shivering because of the snow, but I felt _cold. _I felt abandoned. I felt neglected. I felt betrayed. I was thought to be different. I was an outcast. I was a freak. I was a burden.

I don't belong here."

Dinah looked up from her clipboard at me. I stared at the ground and brought my knees to my chest. I wrapped my arms around my legs and leaned back in the green plush chair. I became quiet and my stoic face began to break along the seams.

"This is the same… dream? As you have been experiencing for the past few months now?" She asked me.

I nodded, and didn't look up.

"You know that you aren't alone, right? You have us. You have the team, the league, Bruce-" I stopped her sentence and shot my head up. Tears filled my eyes and I struggled to keep my emotions hidden.

"Bruce doesn't love me. He doesn't need me. He wants me gone." I turned my head to the wall, and glared at it.

"If that is what you believe, then don't stay with him. Stay with the team, the league, Dick you can come stay with me if you need to. But don't feel alone. you aren't alone. You are loved." I wiped my tears and snorted.

"Liar."

"Dick…" she began, " we all love you. We would give our lives for yours. We would do anything for you. You are apart of our lives. You are a part of why we are heroes. Go to the team, and you'll see. They love you. They look up to you." I turned to look at the sincere look in her eyes. I began to stop my emotions, and gave a small genuine smile.

"Love.. They- they love me?" I asked, in almost mock and disbelief. Dinah nodded.

"Dick, we all do." I sat there for a while, processing the facts. I- I was loved? They wanted me? They needed me?

I don't know how long I sat there, but the next time I looked up, Dinah was gone and the door was open. Standing up slowly, I walked outside of the therapy room and towards the living room of Mount Justice. As I approached the room, I heard voices, and my name was said. Raising an eyebrow, I slid up against the wall and peered inside. On the couches were my teammates, and in civvies. I couldn't see the front of Connor M'gann and Zatanna's faces, but Artemis, Wally, Kaldur and Raquel I could see just fine.

"-Just a burden…" said Artemis.

"He needs to go." I heard Raquel whispered. Who needed to go?

"I agree. We can't keep acting around him," agreed Zatanna. Acting around who?

"We gotta break the news somehow," added in Connor. Okay- what the heck was going on?!

"Connor's right," stated M'gann.

"Well what do we tell the little freak?" Asked Artemis. Who was a freak?

"Well for starters, we tell him he's useless!" Added in Raquel. Zatanna's head nodded in agreement.

"Wait, everyone stop talking. Before anything happens. we need to have a vote. It is impossible to fire someone until the unanimous vote has been cast. Anyone against the decision to kick him off the team?" Asked Kaldur. Wait- who was being kicked off the team?! No one made any movements at the suggestion and Kaldur nodded. "Anyone for it?" Everyone but Wally raised their hands and agreed in unison. "Wally? You have been quiet the entire meeting. What is your vote?" Wally then looked up from the ground, and straight at me. He knew I was there. He took a breath and stared into my eyes, his face was emotionless.

"My vote-" he began, "my vote is for kicking him off the team. Robin is a worthless asset to this team." Everyone nodded and agreed. I clamped a hand over my mouth, and staggered backwards. They- they hated me. They wanted me gone. The wanted to abandon me. I was a burden to them. Turning around, I began to run for the zeta tubes. Going to the tubes, I ran in, knowing where I wanted to go.

_You don't belong here..._

Inside the Watchtower, chaos was erupting around me. Every was arguing, and yelling things out. I hand my hands in my ears, and tried to block out the sound . On the control stand stood Dinah and Bruce, both shouting for everyone to shut up. Running to a corner, I climbed up the rafters and sat, waiting for Dinah to do her thing. Finally, she cupped her hands to the sides of her mouth and screamed, earning a good cry of annoyance throughout the room.

"Everyone shut up! Batman has come to a decision, and unless you want to be left in the dark, I suggest you all listen." Walking off the control stand, she sat in a chair next to Diana and began to whisper. My eyes focused on Bruce as he cleared his throat and eyes everyone hero in the room.

"I trust that you are all aware of Robin's… performance, lately. He, has become a burden in the field, and I have no choice but to strip him of his duties and my partner. I then will be sending him back to the orphanage on Monday, so I suggest you say your goodbyes. He is not yet aware of this, and is at the Mountain with the team now." He growled out the words as if they were poison, and glided off the stand immediately after that. Walking to the zeta tubes, he turned and gave a nod to the watching crowd and disappeared into the portal.

I felt my insides grow sick as the leaguers agreed to his decision. Didn't they love me? Didn't Dinah care? Why did she want me to leave? Why did the team want me to leave? Why did Bruce want me to leave? And that was when the answer hit me.

I don't belong here.

…

It was cold, and snow fell around me. The tiny snowflakes nipped at my skin, coating me in frozen water. The city was lit, and the lights were almost blinding. Neon colors and fluorescent signs lit the streets, revealing the cars and people below. The people, they were hugging, holding each other and laughing. Carolers laughed and sang, and friends drank hot cocoa besides one another. They all were together, no one was alone. Everyone belonged here.

They had a purpose. They were here with a reason. Even criminals had a reason! They all belonged… Why didn't I? Did I have a belonging? I wasn't a civilian- no I wasn't an innocent. I wasn't a criminal- no I wasn't and evil. And I wasn't a hero- no, I wasn't. I did no good on the field. Maybe I… maybe I was a mistake.

_You don't belong here…_

I gulped, and looked at the open sky above me. The dark clouds were covering the universe, as if concealing us. I watched as the snow fell, onto the buildings and clueless civilians. I suddenly felt very hot, and tugged off my hoodie, a pile of snow falling from its place on the jacket. My bare arms felt completely fine, despite the below freezing point weather.

I looked down the ground below me, almost twenty stories below. It was almost exactly like my parents' fate. But they didn't deserve to die. They deserve to stay alive, to belong to a family who loved him. I chuckled at the thought of my parents. A sick, devious smirk arose on my face. If only I could see them. But the thing was- the gates of Heaven, they were locked shut. And the pits of Hell were all filled up.

_You don't belong here. _

It was too easy. It was to easy to just jump, to 'watch my life flash before my eyes.' I didn't have a life I deserved. It was too simple. I needed to make a statement. I need to show them all how great things would be now. I needed to show them I was leaving.

Pulling out my phone, I unlocked it and went to my contacts. My finger traced the 'delete all' option, and I pressed down. All one thousand six hundred sixty six were gone, deleted, but one. My locked contact was saved, and I clicked on it. Bruce. Quickly setting up a video message, I clicked 'start video' and shone the phone on my face.

"H-hey Bruce. Uh, I, I'm on top of Wayne Tower right now. And, I, um, I know you're in your office signing papers in the floor below me. So, um, I, uh, I heard you talk to the League about me. About how I don't belong. And- and you're right.

"I don't know if I should jump or what, but I needed to show you, that I, uh, that I was going away. You don't need to tell the League or the team, I'd like that. But could you, uh, could you maybe burn my body? Or you could throw it out in the sea. I just- I just don't think I deserve to be buried. I don't belong with the people who had life worth living.

You might call me a sinner, or a walking flame from a fire that burns. I am corrupted, I don't belong here. I cried, I cried all day after I heard you, but it got me thinking…" I stopped talking and picked up my hoodie lying on the roof helplessly. Reaching into the pocket, I pulled out a gun, a pistol. The gun was shiny, and new. "I got a gun, and I know you hate guns."

Slowly, I brought the gun to my forehead, my entire hand still on the handle. I felt my barrier slip away, and I began to sob. "YOU DON'T WANT ME!" I began to tremble, and I knew if I were any louder, the people below would here. "NO ONE DOES!" I sighed, and took several deep breaths, closing my eyes. Opening them again, I stared into the camera lens on my phone, and spoke coldly. Every word was laced with hate, sorrow, and I felt alone.

"I don't belong here."

Slowly, my trigger finger felt it's way crawl up the handle and onto the trigger.

And for the first time in my life, I felt _cold_.

Fin.

**HAPPY MERRY DICK GRAYSON'S BIRTHDAY! I know you probably think that it is March 21st or the first day of spring, but if you look up all of the Batman wikis, YJ wikis, and even the Wiki wiki (Wikipedia) they all say December 1st. **

**Some of you may be in different time zones, so it might be Nov. still or maybe it's the second or- gods I'm rambling again. **

**Anyway, what do you think happened to Dick? This was my early Christmas (or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa) gift to you! More to come! **

**Alright I know it sucked, and there are probably more mistakes than actually words, (2,835) but I tried okay? Review what you think! Or fav- or follow- or watevs. I love you all! ~Babs :)**


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